Monthly Archives: January 2013

The Next Step

I previously wrote, about how the Monastic community of Jerusalem, that I am discerning, with, had asked me to visit other contemplative orders, to have different experiences.

I spent a few days, at the Carmel. It was peaceful, but I was bored. I stayed in a guest room. The sisters have strict enclosure, so the only sister in the room next to me was the extern sister, but she was great.  I felt that I discern better, if I participate in the daily life with the sisters and get to know as many of them as possible.  I did get to talk to the sisters occasionally and it was a relief.

It was like I was waiting for someone to talk too. I joined the sisters in prayer, but I was in the Chapel, and they were on the other side. It’s a good thing, they gave me a notepad, in the reading material, they gave me, about their community.  I think I used the whole thing up,  just writing. I just needed an outlet for my thoughts. I finally asked for some work, and I got envelopes to stamp.

I came to the Carmel, for St, Therese of Lisieux, but the strange part is that I felt her presence stronger in Jerusalem, than I did at Carmel. I did speak to the Mother prioress, and she told me to try a community that is contemplative, but not cloistered.

Some of the sisters I spoke, with told me that they just knew, the moment they drove in,  that they were called there. Carmel is a special vocation, and I am glad I tried, but it’s not for me.

So, it’s obvious that God is pointing towards Jerusalem again. During my novena to St. Therese (this must be my 5th or 6th one)  I did get a chance to talk to the Jerusalem sister. She told me that I had done what they told me too, i.e. inner healing retreat and a visit to the Carmel.

Now, I could continue discerning with the community. Sister also said, it made more sense for me to come for a longer stay with the community, before I continue learning French. It’s like she read my mind, since the only reason I am studying French is for this community.

Sister needs to speak to the prioress about me coming for a longer stay, and will get back to me soon. Please pray that the prioress agrees. This is a longer stay, so the community can make a final decision.

Pray. Storm the gates of heaven for me. 🙂

I will pray for other discerners too.

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Gift Of The Present Moment

The Jerusalem sisters have a concern that I might be better suited to a more contemplative vocation.  They have advised me to look into and try more contemplative communities.  They also said, it was important to detach from their community, so I could spend time getting to know myself and what rhythm I would fit into. They said, that after this, if I still find that I am drawn to them, then that would be fine.

I was disappointed, when they told me this. I love this community!

There is also no way, I could lived in a cloistered community, for the rest of my life. But, after spending time in prayer and reflection. I have decided to at least consider this.

Everything I have comes from God. God has given me talents and gift that can be used for his glory. I have something to offer God, that no one else does.

I need to be open to God’s will, and not just my own, even if I am not sure where God is leading me. Faith and trust come into this, and it’s hard, really hard.

There is no one to whom I can go to. Jesus is the bridegroom of my soul. And if he’s leading me to a better place, I need to let him do so. Let him hold my hand.

I do not know what the future will bring, but, that God holds the future, and all I have is the gift of this present moment, to love him, know him, and serve him.