The first order, I visited were the Daughters of St.Paul. You can imagine my excitement because they are into the world of media, and that’s what I love to do. I love the arts, and am a journalism student. I went over for a small reflection and even before the retreat I was told, I was not being called to their order. I was devastated. I did, however learn an important lesson from this experience.
A vocation is not a career.
I went to visit the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus, The Sister Disciples of the Divine Master, after that. I made a lot of great friends along the way, but did not feel a call to those orders. I began to pray that God would give me a sign because I really could not make up my mind.
I went to visit the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles for a “Come and See” and I loved the people I met there. We still keep in touch and enough though I appreciate Carmelite Spirituality a great deal, I was so restless. I began to think of all the things, I would have to give up, and it made me sad. I knew a vocation was not about me, or about worldly possessions, but it was hard to let go of those attachments. I was also not overly attracted to their ministry.
I did not know if I could live this life. I live in Canada, so distance was an issue for me too.
Some nuns told me that once the honeymoon is over, you are not always going to be in the seventh heaven, but you will be at peace. God is calling you to wherever you can be at peace with him.
The next place I went to visit for “Come and See” was the Sisters of Our Lady Immaculate. They are a beautiful order with beautiful dark purple habits.They were so wonderful to me. I will cherish the memories I had with them. I was fine at the Mother House, but when I got to the formation house. I was very sad. I began to think of all the people I would be leaving behind, my family, my friends, and I broke down crying. I never made a decision to join, but I was still in agony.
The next day I spoke to the Novice mistress about this and she got the impression that I was still not ready and needed more time.
After experiencing so much rejection and sadness. I assumed that I was not being called to religious life and dropped the idea for a while.
It was only when I began to attend the life in the spirit Seminars this September, that I realized I was being called by God. I had to get rid of fear of leaving things behind, and I had to deepen my prayer life.
God was also showing me that the sign I wanted was right in front of me. I love Youth ministry. I have been with Lifeteen for over five years and I love it. I began to look into orders that minister to youth and I came across Daughters of Mary, Help of Christians also known as the Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco.
I went in for a visit and loved their family spirit. Sr. Cora told me something that I still remember, she said “You have been searching for so long, You have been to all these places, just follow your heart.”
I am going on a “Come and See” retreat with the Salesians next week. I don’t know what God has in store for me. Enough if I am not being called to this order, I know my vocation is to serve God wherever I am, and in whatever I am being called to do.
This is not going to be easy, but it’s learning to let go of the fear of losing control over my life and aligning my plans with the plans of God for me.